“GET OUT THERE ON THE GREEN, WOMAN!”
I trembled, vulnerable, before this great man. I walked out into the middle of the golf course. He dragged me to the ground, stripping off his floral shorts as he did so. He had his wicked way with me then and there, wearing only his green jacket. It was sort of relaxing as I lay there under his writhing body, feeling the Woods breast and buttocks. Passers-by must have been rather vexed to have had their Sunday golfing trips marred by the sight of the great golfer in a compromising position. In the final throes of passion he screamed out, “OH YES TIGER!!!! YOU ARE SO AMAZING!”
Post coitally, he told me I was the one and we’d run away together. All lies! That dirty dog. When I threatened to go public about our love affair, he threw a Mars bar at me from a distance. He promised me the world, then just upped and left and took my car with him. I never saw or heard from him again.
Imagine my surprise, when I open the paper and see his face plastered all over it and wild tales of him paying hush money to various other lovers. And I, foolish enough to believe that I was the only one.
That b*stard will be hearing from my lawyer!
Yi
April 8, 2010 at 1:26 pm
*Yawn*
Abby
April 8, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Bloody brilliant. I love the floral shorts part.