Addictions Therapist

It’s possible to overcome any addiction. Women get addicted to porn just as easily as men do. Don’t give up.

with God all things are possible.

Honestly he is committing adultryif he is lusting after other women. He needs to come to terms with this, you can’t do it for him, but you should ask him to stop.

He has to want to work in it himself, it is addicting. If he does he moves the computer, limits the time, gets a filter, reads a book, etc.

I don’t have an answer for you but I do want to tell you that my husband is the same way and I feel just like you do. He thinks because he doesn’t call it porn but calls it “eye candy” that it’s ok. He tells me it has nothing to do with me, too, but I feel like you. Why does he feel he needs to look elsewhere? You aren’t alone. We just have to pray for them. They aren’t walking good with the Lord to be doing that.

Maybe he wants you to go down on him.

To OVERPORN a CORN addiction??

What the heck could be any porner than a corn addiction???

Get over it! It IS perfectly normal. YOU need to change your attitude.

Why aren’t you having this conversation with him? If he’s truly addicted and acknowledges that he is, there are various addiction-programs out there that he can participate in. Are you certain it’s an addiction, and not just something he enjoys once in a while? You might want to determine this first, and think about what actual problems it causes. Because if it’s just bothering YOU and not causing any actual problems, the problem is yours, not his.

You should pick up a book called “Every Man’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. It deals with this topic extensively and offers stories of hope from men that have overcome their porn and sexual addictions.

It also has segments that provide insight from the wife’s perspective as well.

It doesn’t sound like he is ignoring you in favor of porn, so not sure I’d characterize it as addiction. The brain is the primary sexual organ after all, and fantasy is an important part of a healthy sex life.

1) its called self esteem get some
2) porn is predominantly consumed by self professed christian men, how do I know the money is in the billions and there arent enough atheists around to spend that much money
3) maybe if you joined rather than judged things might look up for you

A marriage is a two person relationship, he has to respect your opinion on the subject, if you’re a Christian you surely know that Christianity forbids porn, you need to talk to your religious leader and ask for religious marital counsel

Yes, but we must choose to walk away and many times that can’t be done alone.

It’s not about you! And it’s not your fault! It’s an addiction that he has and must be treated as such. Your job is to challenge him to repentence (not enable him) and encourage him to walk in purity and honor before the Lord, not as an authority figure like a mother or teacher but more like a fellow soldier and sister. This requires both GRACE and HUMILITY and TRUTH and BOUNDARIES. Remember, he did make a vow to love you and that includes loving you with his eyes and heart. If he’s into porn, he’s committing adultery with other women in his heart as Jesus said in his sermon on the mountain.

I’m really sorry you’re having to face this as it can really hurt a wife’s heart and confidence! But again, it’s not a reflection of you!

A good book on the subject is “Every Man’s Battle” by Steven Arterburn.
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=63682&netp_id=205693&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW&view=covers

Also check out these short video suggestions on the subject by Christian counselor Dr. John Townsend

http://www.cloudtownsend.com/videoserver/video.php?clip=townsendA1329

http://www.cloudtownsend.com/videoserver/video.php?clip=townsendA1161

You may need to get some support from a Christian councelor or support /growth group to help build up your confidence and courage to help you help him be the man of God he deep down really wants to be. They may also help you address this sensative issue with the wisdom and grace that is required.

Pornography is a very difficult habit to break. If he is willing to work with you, then it can be over come, it will likely involve therapy and likely the removal of whatever he uses to get access to porn, (probably the internet.) If he is not willing to try and over come it, then there is nothing you can do to change him.

Yes, it can be overcome. There are many reasons why husbands look at porn and I think it’s similar to the reason why some cheat–they lack something in their marriage: intimacy, feeling needed, etc. Typically husbands cheat because they are trying to fill a void…porn is just a safer and easier way of doing it.

Okay, now you wanna know what to do about it right? Here are my suggestions.

1. Clear communication–tell your husband why pornography bothers you so much…why it hurts you…

2. If he is understanding and wants to stop, then he needs to seek professional counseling.

3. You set an ultimatum. Was this the kind of marriage you signed up for? I understand the whole “in sickness and health”, but this is not a sickness. Pornography use in a marriage that hurts one or both spouses is merely selfishness. So, you need to figure out what it is that you think you deserve…and stick with it. Do not bend. Do not be a doormat. Your happiness in this marriage is just as important as your husband’s. He’s going to have to ask himself “Is looking at porn worth causing my wife pain and unhappiness?”

It can be overcome if he wants to over come it, i smoked for 20 years and overcame that, i loved to drink a lot in my teens and twenties, now i don’t drink at all, i loved meat but then decided i didn’t want to eat other living creatures so i gave that up. There are many other smaller things i gave up, in the end if he wants to give up he wont, its down to him, christian, hindu, atheist or not, religion wont solve it, the addict has to solve it. If he wont solve it its not due to an addiction, its just because he doesn’t want to and has no consideration for your feelings, most psychologists will tell you, an addiction is nothing more than a word used to excuse people for their selfish acts. He is selfish and doesn’t care enough about YOU!