My husband has a porn addiction problem and it is tearing our marriage apart. Neither of us knows what to do. Can anyone point us in the direction of either resources on how to quit or support groups for me (his wife)? Serious answers only please.
Does anyone have any resources reguarding this addiction?
19
Feb
WizardofOz
February 19, 2010 at 11:50 am
Have you tried getting into it also? It might save your marriage if you try to stop seeing it as a problem. Make it into a both of you thing, it might spice up your love life. You might take away his need for that if you give it to him yourself, you would be surprised how fun it might be for both of you. It’s not dirty it’s between you two.
justice_for_derry
February 19, 2010 at 12:26 pm
There is actually a web site called noporn.com that has an online board for those who are addicted and their partners to work through some of the issues — according to what the website says. You might want to look there.
http://www.no-porn.com/
Hope it helps.
disaster girl
February 19, 2010 at 1:09 pm
If it is indeed an addiction, the worst thing you can do for him, is to get into it to. That would be the same as drinking with an alcoholic.
There are 12 step groups for this. And therapy is also a very valid source.
This is a REAL addiction. Where it escalates until it consumes most of the individuals time and thoughts and where the threshold for achieving the same feelings must be higher and higher. More porn or more bizarre porn. And just as with any other addiction eventually it will begin to disrupt work, family, finances and the person continues despite the negative consequences.
therapy is important here. Its nothing for him or you to be ashamed of.
But if it is an addiction and not just what he says to get away with it, he needs to follow the same process of other addiction recovery. Therapy and 12 steps. There are support groups too.
Google a few to see whats in your area. If hes willing great, if hes willing to see a therapist they can advise him further. If not. Find all the information yourself. Tell him its because you love him and you do not want this to interfer with HIS life… dont make it about you or what hes done to you … likely he already feels bad enough about that… Make it a because I love you and want you to have a happy life. But dont make it an ultimatum. Just give him all the resources he would need to contact. As a show of love and concern for his welfare. Then leave him be about it. Hopefully when he is ready and willing to put in the emense effort required to admit and kick an addiction he can feel empowered by making the choice for himself.
Take care of yourself. Be careful not to focus too much on him or his behavior and become enabling or codependent. It might do you some good to get your own counselor and check out some of the “family of” groups in your area.
Hope this helps… and remember if it is actually an addiction… it has to do with him NOT YOU. Something hes lacking, not even sexually. or in your relationship. porn like cocaine is just his drug of choice.
goshine2
February 19, 2010 at 1:56 pm
With little thought as to the havoc they create in the lives of others, these “pornocrats” callously lower the moral climate of society and contribute to the epidemics of fornication, adultery, incest, sexually transmitted diseases, perversions, divorces, broken homes, disturbed children, and physically and psychologically damaged marriage mates.
if sexual relations are viewed as a means of mutual expression of love by marriage mates and not as a means of exploiting others or merely for the gratifying of self, it will help us to resist pornography.—1 Corinthians 7:3; Acts 20:35.
To abuse sex dishonors its Designer and brings harm to the abuser. Hunger for food is also designed by God for our good and pleasure. But if abused by excesses or by ingesting polluted food, harm can result. Therefore, do not become greedy—idolizing sex. Rather, control “your body members . . . as respects . . . sexual appetite, hurtful desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”—Colossians 3:5, 6; Ephesians 5:5.
an obvious first step is to stop feeding your mind on the filth itself, cutting off the source of contamination. (Matthew 5:29, 30) Yes, get rid of all the material that would be a temptation to resort to fantasizing. The computer can be put in A room where everyone can see what is on it.
Flushing out the mind with clean waters of truth and keeping it filled with pure teaching that expresses the “perfect will of God” will make it possible for unhealthy mental images gradually to fade. In this way the circuits that would keep these mental images vivid and still infectious will be erased.—Romans 12:2; Ephesians 4:17-24.
Genuine love for God and neighbor will help you break the porn habit as well as protect you from ever again becoming involved with it. Pornography is the message of modern sex worship. It stands for everything that is opposed to God and righteousness. It must be rejected outright. Avoid it like the plague it is!
There are those who advocate ignoring it as a passing thing that will cure itself when people get filled or bored with it. But is that the way to handle life-threatening filth? We do not fix a leaking cesspool by ignoring it, allowing it to overflow, hoping it will somehow heal itself. You must take action!
It may be true that not all are affected alike by such material. However, if we admit that the intent of such material and the reasons why it is viewed are not wholesome, then we have a conscientious decision to make, just as we would have with any other threat to our well-being. This plague must be resisted.
Face the fact that the porn plague is a reflection of the declining morals of our times as foretold in the Bible. (2 Timothy 3:1-6) History and experience tell us that despite laws and regulations, people who want pornographic material will find a way to make, distribute, and consume it.
Obviously, if we listen to the self-serving excuses of these and others who are ‘sowing with a view to the flesh,’ we will soon get lost in a maze of hairsplitting philosophical arguments as to what is and what is not porn, erotica, and art. (Galatians 6:8) No matter what people call the material, when it displays for sexual arousal what the Bible calls unnatural and obscene—fornication, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, incest, rape—then a Christian knows such is not fitting for him to view, since such should “not even be mentioned among” Christians.—Ephesians 5:3-5; Hebrews 13:4; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; Leviticus
Please read the scriptures, I have more information on dealing with this problem, if you want to read it e-mail me and i’ll send it. goshine2@yahoo.com
Donald P
February 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Porn addiction can be hard to control. Many people have lost jobs, friends, and loved ones simply because they could not break thier porn habit. I suggest you find some help. Here is a site that has addiction information and a directory of addiction treatment centers so you can help. http://www.addictionselfhelp.com
Good Luck
helpyouhelpmehelp
February 19, 2010 at 2:56 pm
you can install NetDog Porn Filter : http://www.netdogsoft.com on the computer, netdog blocks all porn quitely and automatically in the background when your husband’s on the computer.